Lopsided.

For whatever reason, this baby (who is the length of a spaghetti squash this week!) prefers the lower right side of my belly far better than any other location. To the point where if I have on a tight shirt, there is a clear bulge on just my right side, and I look noticeably lopsided. When I do manage to shift her over to a more comfortable position, she always ends up working her way back over to the right side, back pressing out against my belly (so much that I sometimes think it's a contraction when it's not), and feet kicking me in the bladder. But as long as she's comfortable, I guess it doesn't matter so much if I am!

So I'm starting to notice a pattern to my mood and anxiety levels in correlation to my doctors appointments. After the appointment a week and a half ago, I was PSYCHED at how well things were going, and felt pretty good about the situation and about the (very) small things I was now allowed to do around the house (like stand long enough to make Owen a can of spaghettios, and take showers longer than 5 minutes, etc.). But as the excitement from that appointment wears off, and the anticipation of the next appointment grows (its this Thursday morning), I find myself reverting back to just being anxious and nervous all the time. Is it bad that I left the house TWICE yesterday? Should I not have folded all that laundry and put it away on Friday? Is the fact that I've been up more this past week going to result in a bad diagnosis at my appointment on Thursday? And then I come to the decision that I should probably just not get out of bed for the next few days until that appointment, just to be sure.

It's an emotional roller-coaster, to say the least.

Not a shabby Memorial Day.

I started off today feeling more "woe is me" thoughts, as I was headed out the door to drop Owen off at Aunt Sue's for a day of parades and pool-time fun while I stayed at home on the couch. But my day actually turned out pretty great. Every window in my house was open letting in a nice warm breeze, I finished another vampire book, I even laid out on my back deck for about 20 minutes to get some SUN. I would have stayed out there until I fried if I wasn't so afraid of cooking the baby - it was seriously hot out there today! I've been taking prescription Vitamin D supplements due to a very low level of vitamin D (thank you, horrible Michigan winter and spring), and I swear I could feel my body soaking up the vitamins in the brief time I baked in the sun this afternoon. Hopefully I can stop taking the supplements soon, if we start having more days like this!

This afternoon I went over to Aunt Jan's to pick up Owen, and got to spend a glorious hour with my family, who I have missed! I got to watch Owen run around with a bucket of pool water and cool off all our toes with it, had some dinner, lounged on a chaise lounge in the back yard with my aunts and Nana Pat, and even had a sip of someone's Summer Shandy, which tasted... like summer. Thanks to Aunt Sue Sue for showing Owen such a fun time today (he talked about it the whole way home), and Happy Memorial Day!

Vampire Porn.

My cousin Sarah sent me a boxed set of the first 8 of the Sookie Stackhouse (TrueBlood) novels for some light, summer-time, bed rest reading. I've never seen the HBO series, nor was I familiar with the books or storyline. And, well, its murder-mystery-vampire-porn. But I'm not gonna lie - it's super entertaining and each book is a fun, easy, fast read, which I'm really liking right now (I will admit to not wanting to spend this summer really "thinking" about what I'm reading - just give me something light and entertaining to take my mind off all the madness!). I started the first one a couple days ago, and I'm already halfway through the second. I have also already added the first two seasons of TrueBlood to my Netflix queue. I'm hooked!

Day 30.

It has officially been 1 month since I had the cerclage and was put on bed rest. I continue to feel SO LUCKY that I am able to take this time off work and do what is necessary to carry this baby as close to term as possible. However. It's been THIRTY DAYS. And today I FELT it. Probably because I've been alone since last night, I'm sick with a sore throat and cough, I was supposed to be wandering NYC with some of my favorite people this weekend, and there was no break in my day today - I was just bored out of my mind all day. I read an entire book between yesterday afternoon and lunch today. I've watched more episodes of Veroncia Mars on Netflix than I care to mention, and I've flipped through the same In Style so many times I now have a mental list of about 6 beauty products that I'm certain I "must have" this summer, despite having nowhere to go requiring me to wear a new Chanel lipstick. Wah wah, woe is me. I've resigned myself to having both good days and bad - and this one just kind of sucks.

Okay, snap out of it Prowse!

Eric and Owen should be home within the hour, just in time for Owen to hit the hay for the night. I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning when hopefully the three of us will make some pancakes and hang out for a bit (maybe watch some Super Why or Dinosaur Train?!), before Eric takes off for the new house again and Owen spends the day with Papa Ron.

I feel that I should state, for the record, that our new home is AWESOME. We consider it "move-in ready." However, the city of Clawson is using this opportunity to require us to get a Certificate of Occupancy before we can move in (likely triggered by the utilities having been shut off for more than 6 months as it was a bank-owned property). So far that means we've had to pay $200 for the initial inspection, and we now have a 2-page list from the city of all these things that need to be taken care of before they'll let us move in. And some of them are RIDICULOUS. Most of them are things we would have eventually done anyway (like repair the retaining wall out front and replace the warped siding on one side of the garage). But several of the items are expensive and time-consuming projects and shouldn't (in my opinion) prohibit us from living in our new house. That being said, the list from the city is going to take us (okay Eric and his friends and my dad) several more weekends to complete, and we may not get it all done before moving weekend. Hopefully we don't have to petition for a "temporary" certificate of occupancy, but if we do, I'm hoping they'll allow it, given our current situation and all... (Yes, I'll use this baby as an excuse to skirt the city rules if necessary)!

I'll have to take some better photos (inside and out) now that the weather isn't so dreary!

I'm hoping I can make it out to the new house again sometime in the next week or so. It feels so strange to me that I haven't really been there except once for a few hours since we closed almost a month ago! If my appointment next Thursday goes well, maybe I'll try to sneak by next weekend...

Prescription: Fatten up!

I had my once-monthly check-in with my midwife today. We are still planning on having the birthing experience that we want with this trouble-making baby - hopefully one very similar to what we had with Owen (although a shorter labor would be nice, thanks). So for us this means still having a midwife deliver the baby and manage my care while I'm in the hospital. We followed my midwife, Trish, from when she left Providence right after Owen was born and went to Henry Ford. And so far I couldn't be more pleased with the folks at Henry Ford, especially the midwife care I've received on the few hospital visits I've already had. But I'll save my ramblings about how much I love midwives for another post.

ANYWAY, my appointment with Trish today went well. I'm measuring perfectly and baby sounded great. However, I'm not really gaining any weight. Only about a pound in the last month. Apparently one of two things happens when you're on bed rest. Either you gain a LOT of weight because you're not burning any calories, or, like me, you lose a lot of your appetite from the inactivity, so even though you're eating well-balanced meals and snacks, its not enough to really put on any weight. So my prescription today: snack more, and eat more protein. Being a vegetarian I do have to pay attention to how much protein I get. Its not hard to do, it's just something I need to be more cognizant about. Its also a license to have a peanut butter and banana smoothie every day, which is my new favorite snack!

Here's the VERY simple recipe courtesy of VegWeb.com:

1 banana

1/8 cup peanut butter

1/2 cup soy milk

2 Tbsp honey

Blend, and enjoy!

Thank you Craigslist.

I think I should hire myself out to take photos of people's stuff that they're trying to sell on Craigslist. I took some great photos of our bedroom furniture, and within 3 hours had 12 people willing to come and get it that same day. I don't know if you've spent much time on Craigslist (I'm home all day and in the market for furniture for a new house, so I've spent a pretty good amount of time perusing the site), but it's all about the photos, people. If you have no photos or crappy photos, I'm going to blow right past your listing.

Anyway, our bedroom furniture, although I love it, was way too big (tall) for our new bungalow master bedroom, what with it's sloping walls/ceiling and all. So we sold it to a nice young couple from Lake Orion, who picked it up tonight and left me a fatty envelope full of cash that will pay for a good portion of the new furniture I've had my eyes on.

The downfall - it sold so fast that I didn't think about the fact that we now don't have a BED until we move. It's flashing us back to our U of M days, when I first met Eric, and he (like most classy fraternity boys) had nothing but a mattress on the floor of his room at the Evans Scholars' house (I mean, is it any wonder I stuck around?). The good news - its gonna make it much easier for me and my pregnant belly to get in and out of bed 5 times a night!

Bed rest is hard on sick kids.

My poor little man has what appears to be a bad case of spring allergies. He has a cough that just won't quit, and today was prescribed 3 different prescriptions to get him through the next month, which is supposed to be laden with pollen. I wish I could pick him up and hold him, and sit in the rocker with him and spend my days baking him cookies (because cookies always make it better)! But instead I will settle for him sitting next to me on the couch while he gets his breathing treatments (which luckily after 2 years of respiratory issues, he's a champ at), and reading all the books he'll bring to me to read him while we cuddle.

I know he won't even remember this summer, or the fact that I was laid up for its entirety. But it still breaks my heart when he comes up to me and says: "come play trains with me momma," or "come outside and play on the swing with me, momma," and I have to say that momma needs to stay on the couch and rest, and that the baby needs me to rest. Sometimes he gets mad (how much can you really expect a 2-year-old to understand about the situation?), but sometimes he looks at me and says "okay, momma," and then tells me he wants to give the baby a kiss and a hug. This is, by far, the sweetest thing I've ever seen him do. I'd let him do it all day if he wanted to.

Also, I'm aware that this is quickly turning into the Owen blog. But he is pretty much the sunshine of my life right now, and his sweetness and (mostly) unconditional love power me through my most boring, stressful and anxious days. And that is really important when you have as many boring, stressful and anxious days as I do.

The summer of the picky eater.

Many of my mom friends have heard me complain about Owen's picky eating habits. All I can say is that this bed rest thing is going to work out REALLY well for him this summer. Not only are Eric and I too tired to battle with him over dinner, but we don't really have time to make the most well-rounded, wholesome meals right now. Which means Owen is going to get a lot of his favorite things this summer - especially those that are quick and easy. Tonight (as pictured above) was organic "spaghettios," and he could not have been happier. I generally try to throw at least one vegetable or fruit on his plate, but, if I'm being honest, that doesn't always happen, and it did not happen tonight. It's a futile effort, anyway, as he won't eat it and it will go to waste 99% of the time. Owen's summer diet will most likely be made up different combinations of the following, the few foods he is GUARANTEED to eat:

• Frozen waffles
• Pancakes (preferably with chocolate chips, but we try to save that for special occasions)
• Cereal and oatmeal
• "Chicken" nuggets and french fries
• Tomato soup with oyster crackers
• Pizza (frozen, Boboli, delivery - we're equal opportunity pizza eaters)
• Chips and salsa
• Boxed macaroni and cheese (important distinction - he won't eat the homemade kind)
• Cheese slices
• Yogurt
• Applesauce, mandarin oranges, grapes (phew, at least he likes SOME fruit)

Enjoy, Owen! The crackdown begins this fall.

Mexican Casserole? Yes PLEASE!

Our friends the Smolinski's made us a FANTASTIC Mexican casserole that they dropped by the new house yesterday. And not only is it a wonderful relief to not have to worry about dinner - it is also DELICIOUS. The person normally in charge of dinner preparation and clean-up, my fantastic husband Eric, is very grateful! Thanks Smos!

Now to finish this Monday night with some Dancing with the Stars and the premiere of The Bachelorette (thats right, I admit it)!

Boys, boys, everywhere.

My sister- and brother-in-law and their two boys came out today to help us out. Chris and Eric worked over at the Clawson house while Amy and the boys and I hung out at home on what turned out to be another BEAUTIFUL spring day. Owen and his cousins were so exhausted from running around outside in the sunshine that they took a nice little break with me to watch Toy Story 3 (apologies for the grainy photo, I was too lazy to get up and get my camera so it's from my iphone). Even Hudson, our 4-year-old Black Lab/Doberman took a break with them! Amy was awesome doing dishes, straightening up after the boys, and helping me continue the project that is sorting through all of the stuff in our basement. I fear it may never get done, but we put a good dent in it today. Thanks Gignacs!

So this is what it's like to have a nanny.

My best friend Kristie spent this beautiful spring Saturday at the house with me and Owen while Eric was busy working at the new house. Every time she leaves us, Eric and I say: so this is what it must be like to have a nanny! Someone who is always keeping an eye on Owen, cooking him meals, taking him out of the house to the "big playground!" and the local ice cream shop when mom needed a couple hours to lie down. Owen LOVES his Aunt Kristie, and we are so thankful for all of her time. I know she will sleep well tonight - running around after Owen all day is completely exhausting. I think we will all sleep well tonight, with the windows open and a nice, cool spring breeze blowing in. Fingers crossed that spring (or is this summer? It's supposed to be 84 tomorrow) is finally here to stay in Michigan!

"Whoa, she's having a party in there."

These were the words from the ultrasound technician as she was trying to take some measurements of this rambunctious baby girl. She was squirming all over, not exactly cooperating with the ultrasound wand (the video clip shows her being relatively still). But I wasn't going to complain - I got to lay there for 20 minutes watching her kick and punch and "drink" fluid. Crazy. I'm starting to realize that this is one awesome benefit of all this - I get to see her every 2 weeks for the rest of my pregnancy. Most women don't see their baby between the 20 week anatomy scan and when they're born 20 weeks later!

Thank you to all my friends and family for your encouraging words and "good vibes" regarding my appointment today. I'm happy to report that it went GREAT! I'm measuring at almost 2 cm, so things are actually continuing to improve, which means this bed-rest thing is actually working. I did get the okay to be up and about just a wee bit more than I have been - meaning that I don't need to be laying down every minute of the day, but with the caveat that the more I do lay down, the better, as clearly it is working for me. I am even allowed little field trips here and there if I need to run out to pick up carry-out or supplies from the drug store, so long as I'm not doing it every day, I'm not out longer than an hour or so, and I'm not going anywhere that requires lots of walking around (dear Somerset Collection and Target, I will miss you). So things likely won't change much for me - I'll still be spending most of my days on my couch. However, I am super relieved to not have to worry that every time I stand up for more than 5 minutes that she's going to fall right out (don't laugh, this has been a legitimate concern of mine for the last 3 weeks).

Now I can spend this afternoon relaxing and watching last night's season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Who will be the new chief resident? Will Meredith and Derek adopt the baby? Will Teddy finally admit she's in love with Henry? These are the big questions of my afternoon.

The gift of a good book.

So my beautiful cousin Sarah works for a major publishing company in New York. She is one of my go-to people I harass about what book I should read next, and she knows me (as my Miller cousins do) better than most people, so she knows what I like to read. Well. Today the postman knocked on my door to deliver a big old box from New York. Its contents are in the photo above, and include six novels and a boxed set of the first 8 of the Sookie Stackhouse novels for me, and a half-dozen books for Owen. I think my favorite part is the little sticky notes on each one telling me to read if I'm looking for "a good beach read" or if I "need a good cry" or "need a laugh," or, my favorite: "oooooh, sexy vampires!" I'm happy to know I'm set on good books for the next few months - thank you Sarah Anne!

I was supposed to visit Sarah over Memorial Day weekend for a little getaway with some of my cousins. Unfortunately this baby decided that I did NOT need a vacation before she arrives, as I am now unable to fly (and/or walk all over New York for a long weekend). Luckily the airline let me save my ticket for a future flight - so hopefully I'll get out there this time next year, when I'll probably REALLY need a nice girls weekend in the big city.

Also, tomorrow is the first of many "judgement days" for me (well, for my cervix, really). Its my bi-weekly doctors appointment to see how everything is, uh, holding together. If we're status quo or, dare I say, improved, I may be allowed to get up off the couch a bit here and there, which would be GREAT. If things are... less than status quo, I may be put on even more strict bedrest. Worst case scenario for me right now is hospitalized bed rest (I can't even bear the thought). Fingers crossed that we aren't admitted to a hospital again until sometime in September to actually have this baby!

My weekly field trip.

So every Wednesday at between 1:30 and 2:30 I get to get in my car and leave my house on a field trip! Hooray! Except not really. As the field trip is to my doctor's office to get my weekly progesterone injection. But I don't even care. I've started looking forward to this excursion with ridiculous enthusiasm. A reason to put on jeans and a cute shirt! Put on make-up! A chance to interact with other people! I have also perhaps made a habit of swinging through the Starbucks drive-through on my way home for an afternoon caramel frappuccino. I figure I deserve it, given that the shot is so heinous that the nurse winces FOR me every time she gives it, and apologizes like 5 times between when I walk in the door to when she's saying goodbye. True, it's a bitch of a shot. But its hopefully helping ward off pre-term labor, AND it gives me the opportunity to feel human for just a little bit each week.

This weeks excursion was made even sweeter when my parents stopped by unexpectedly and took me to my appointment and then to get bagel sandwiches for lunch (Einstein's jalapeño cream cheese is fantastic). Combined with the colorful, glossy new magazines my cousin Lauren dropped off to me last night (I love a new magazine) and the fact that my friend Kristie is coming over to help around the house and get Owen to bed tonight - this has turned out to be a pretty fantastic Wednesday!

The bed rest diet.

We've been vegetarians in our house for a while now, and I was actually eating vegan for the year or so before I got pregnant (that ended quickly when for the first few months all I wanted to eat was pizza and cheesy nachos). So while that doesn't mean we are health-food fanatics (vegan chili dogs remain a staple), I do like to think we eat (ate) a diet with lots of fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, and natural and organic food. This also meant that we never really had THAT much food in the freezer. Sure, there were always frozen waffles for Owen, a few bags of frozen veggies for quick dinner recipes, and the occasional ice cream carton. Well. When you're down a parent/cook every night, you can't really cook for yourself during the day, and your dinners now need to be faster and easier than ever in order to keep some kind of evening routine for Owen - the above photo is what your freezer starts to looks like. Eric had to take everything out and put it back in like 3 times to get it all to fit after Sunday's grocery run.

A few frozen items that I've been relying heavily on:

• Trader Joe's: veggie gyoza (potstickers), edamame, falafel, fried rice, jasmine rice, brown rice and vegetable lasagna
• Amy's Organic: spinach pizza and frozen lunches, especially anything remotely Italian like ravioli or tortellini
• Ice cream that Eric picked up called: Death by Chocolate (what, my job is basically to gain weight, right?)
• Frozen french fries and texas toast (see above note about gaining weight)

The best part of my day.

I am so thankful that my 2 1/2 year old little man is such a LOVER. His first words to me when he and my husband walked in the house tonight were: "I wanna cuddle with you momma!" He gave me hugs and squeezes and "nose kisses," then let me wrap my arms around him while we laid watching an episode of Go Diego Go! while Eric made dinner (amazing tempeh reubens, by the way). Overall, a pretty amazing end to a rather boring Monday.

If anyone is interested, this was tonight's dinner recipe, substituting cole slaw for the sauerkraut. Fantastic! http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=39806.0

Lucky.

I've been lucky enough to have the wonderful help of my Aunt Sue and my mother-in-law Kathy on this rainy spring Sunday, while Eric is busy beginning bathroom renovations and scraping lead paint at the new house. Sue and I got through bins and bins of Owen's old clothes, some of which will go to my adorable nephew Trenton, some will go into storage for a future mom-to-mom sale when I am back on my feet, and some will go to baby girl (like all of the U of M gear and lots and lots of monkey-themed outfits).

She then proceeded to clean weeks worth of clothes off my bedroom floor, and dust and vacuum my house. It's like a new house, and we are incredibly grateful. It still hard for me to lay on my couch and read a book while someone else cleans and does my laundry for me (I feel simultaneously guilty, and a bit like royalty). But I'm getting over it, and the help is SO greatly appreciated.

Grandma is here now, waiting for Owen to wake up from his nap, so she can feed him dinner and hang out with us for a few hours before Eric is home for the day. He's lucky he's so stinkin' cute and all these people are anxious to spend time with him. And Eric and I are lucky to have received an overwhelming number of phone calls, e-mails and Facebook messages with offers to help in the coming months. Thanks everyone! And we will be calling you soon.

Damn you BabyCenter.com

As with my first pregnancy I am obsessed with the weekly e-mails from BabyCenter.com that fill me in on what's happening in my uterus this week. Today's e-mail started out:

"You're at the halfway mark - congratulations!"

And at first I thought, wow, this has been such a tumultuous pregnancy from very early on, it IS a great milestone to be 20 weeks - halfway through. In a way, it's sort-of unbelievable. And then I thought - crap - I'm only HALF WAY. In a perfect world - that's 20 more weeks. Of bed-rest.

A couple of highlights from this week's e-mail, though, that make me happy:

1. Baby girl is the length of a banana from head to toe. I love the weekly comparisons to fruits and vegetables. Banana baby!

2. BabyCenter tells me that in celebration of this big milestone I should treat myself by buying something to make me feel pretty - which TOTALLY justifies the lovely J. Crew maxi dress I ordered online yesterday. Phew.

Nobody likes to be told they're incompetent.

As I lay in the operating room, scared shitless, the feeling slowly evaporating from my hips, then my thighs, then my knees, ankles and toes, I hear the surgeon telling someone that I am here because I have an "incompetent cervix." Because I use humor when I'm nervous, and because I was, actually, slightly offended, I yelled "HEY! That's not very nice!" The anesthesiologist quickly (and very seriously) told me it was a medical term, and nobody was insulting me (I knew this, I was trying to lighten the mood, buddy). Nobody laughed.

I couldn't stop thinking: what is happening? How did I get here in this operating room? How can this be happening without anything bad happening to my baby? Why is nobody monitoring the baby? I kept thinking that this is what paralyzed people must feel like.

This was 2 weeks ago. I was 18 weeks pregnant. I had started the day with a regular ultrasound appointment with my maternal/fetal specialist, who I was assigned to as a precaution, since my son arrived unexpectedly at 34 1/2 weeks (luckily he was just fine). Turns out my cervix was probably incompetent then, too, and we are now told we were lucky Owen stayed in and "cooked" as long as he did. Anyway, the appointment started out great - baby's heartbeat was good, we found out it was a girl (which we were secretly hoping for but didn't want to say out loud), and she was measuring perfectly. Then they measured my cervix, which had gone from a concerning but not alarming 2.5 cm, to about 1.25 cm in about 2 weeks (a normal measurement is between 3-4 cm). I was told I needed an emergency cerclage - basically a stitch that is now holding my cervix closed. I didn't even hear most of her explanation. Once she said the word "spinal" I panicked and couldn't concentrate on anything else (which made me simultaneously feel horribly guilty - that at that moment I was more worried about myself than the welfare of my baby girl).

Anyway, clearly I got through that. And yes, I'm a bit melodramatic about it. Women have spinals all the time. Women CHOOSE to have them! And a cerclage is also a fairly common procedure in high-risk pregnancies. But when you're not expecting it or at all prepared for it - it's pretty scary.

After the cerclage my midwife (who delivered my son and who I adore and trust completely) recommended I stay on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I wasn't expecting that, either. But when someone tells you being upright can cause you to go into preterm labor, you immediately agree that laying down for 4 months is definitely the best course of action. A few days later it starts to sink in, though, that you are, actually, going to be laying down for FOUR months. "But I have a JOB! And a 2-year-old!" And to top it off, we closed on our new house the day after my cerclage, so we somehow also have to MOVE in the next 5 weeks. Without me being allowed to get off the couch.

So I'm jumping on the blog band-wagon to document what promises to be a crazy summer. True, it will likely be mostly self-indulgent rants from an anxious, lonely, bored woman. But hopefully it will also be insightful and honest and, dare I say, helpful to other women in the same boat? Besides, what else do I have to do?