Hypnobirthing, Part II.

Well, apparently when I said I'd try to post "sporadically," that meant: "probably never." Turns out when you have a newborn and a toddler, and nobody is actually paying you to blog, it gets moved pretty quickly to the back burner. However, I came across my Hypnobirthing CDs today while cleaning out the desk, and it reminded me that I wanted to share a bit more about my experience with Hypnobirthing, and that I had already started writing this post a couple weeks back, so I should finish it up and post it already.

In this post back in August I wrote a bit about the whole Hypnobirthing concept, which I have now utilized for the births of both of my kids.

And as much as I'd like to report that because of Hynpobithing both of my beautiful children arrived in this world without me experiencing an ounce of pain, that would be a bold-faced LIE.

I'm not convinced that using Hypnobirthing methods will allow a mother to give birth with little to no pain. But I am convinced that this method allowed me to have the birth experiences that I wanted (as much as was possible, any way). Part of me thinks that I might have still been fighting against it - allowing myself to be fairly consumed with fear and anxiety throughout both labors, even if I wasn't outwardly showing it. But I did my best, and it worked for me. I actually feel like by the 4th or 5th birth, it might just work as well as I've seen in the videos and read in the books. But, alas, there will be no 4th or 5th (or 3rd, for that matter) birth for me to find out (which I'm totally okay with).

That being said, I was definitely more comfortable with the concept the second time around. I knew what the contractions felt like (talk about it all "coming rushing back" to you), and how they would continue to intensify until the baby was born. I also felt more confident that yes, my body can do this - it's already done it once before!

I think one of the most beneficial aspects of Hypnobirthing for me were the "affirmations" that I read and listened to on my ipod during my practice sessions. Here is a link to them on YouTube (note, this isn't the official Hypnobirthing Institute recording, but it is the same affirmations being read by someone else). I was skeptical at first, as it was awkward for me/us to listen to something like this. It just felt... weird, and kind-of new-age-y. But I swear it works. The more you listen to it, the more you start to believe it. During the final hour of Lyla's birth, I was seriously reciting some of these affirmations to myself, reminding myself that my body and my baby knew what to do. And it really did help me through that last hour of contractions.

Another thing that helped me through those contractions? Eric and my mom. Once again the two of them were my support system throughout the labor and delivery. They joke that it's a very special bond that they don't ever really want to talk about ever again. Seeing as how together they spent a good half-hour (or more? I lost all sense of time) literally holding my legs and staring at that part of me where the baby comes out. AWKWARD. But I couldn't have done it without them. I think they would both agree that they had it easier the second time around. First, my labor was shorter. Second, I think I did a better job of relaxing and breathing through the contractions the second time (at least I wasn't yelling at my mom to put fresh heat packs on my back or get cool rags for my forehead for hours on end). But they were both there, quietly supporting me and Lyla as we labored.

The main benefit of Hypnobirthing for me was learning the best way to breathe through the contractions. The ultimate goal is for your whole body to be totally relaxed during and between the contractions, so that the only energy you are expending is focusing on the contractions and "breathing up" with them to make them as beneficial as possible in opening up the cervix.

I did this for a while, but towards the end I couldn't get the rest of my body to totally relax. I needed to do SOMETHING other than just lay there. What ended up working for me was holding on to Eric's forearm with each contraction, using one arm to push, and one arm to pull to sort-of "engage" my upper body. It sounds weird, but I felt like I needed to brace against the contraction a bit, in order to keep the lower half of my body relaxed. For whatever reason, that really worked for me. And later on during the delivery when Eric was otherwise occupied helping me elsewhere, I used my mother to brace against - I think at one point I had my arms wrapped around her waist! But hey, whatever gets you through it.

So in the end, I would say that I am totally satisfied with my decision to use Hypnobirthing practices during both of our birthing experiences. It helped prepare me mentally, each time, for the birthing process, and I would recommend it to anyone interested in a relaxing (as possible), natural birthing experience.

And here's another adorable reminder of the end product:

Lyla had a rough first month of pretty-much non-stop crying. But after we made some adjustments to her feeding schedule and figured out how to better meet her needs, she has been a dream. She's our smiley, happy girl and has brought so much love and happiness to our family. Owen loves to sing to her and make her smile, which makes me melt it's so dang cute.

Our monkey-man (Owen) has adjusted pretty well to our new addition. I might try, between feedings and baby snuggles, to write a little bit about that experience at a later date. It has been more taxing on me, emotionally, than I thought it would be, but I think the worst of it is over... (famous last words?).

Happy Holidays!

At least you get a baby for it.

During my pregnancy with Owen I was venting to my cousins on our daily e-mail chain about the aches and pains of pregnancy, which led one of them to say: "Pregnancy sounds hard - at least you get a baby for it!" And this pregnancy was most definitely hard, but, on October 6th we DID get a baby for it. Lyla Jean Prowse was born on October 6th, at 7:18 a.m., weighing 8 lbs, 10 ounces and measuring 21 1/2 inches long.

So after 5 months of worry and bed rest and freaking out that she would arrive WAY too early, she ended up arriving ON her due date (something we're told rarely ever happens). At 1 a.m. on the 6th my water broke and instantly woke me up. I'd like to attribute her punctuality to all the mother/daughter conversations I'd had with her about arriving on time (I had a serious fear of giving birth to a 10 pound baby). But in actuality I give credit to the dozens of doctors appointments that tracked her growth and due date, and possibly the Evening Primrose Oil and Red Raspberry Leaf tea I'd been consuming for the 2 weeks prior to her arrival.

I should preface this by mentioning that at my weekly appointment on the 5th, I finally had Trish check me and was THRILLED to learn that I was dilated to 4 and more than 90% effaced. Trish said that she'd be shocked if I didn't go into labor before the weekend was out. Little did we know I'd go into labor that night. She advised me to do some activities that required me to be on my hands and knees (minds out of the gutter, please), like scrubbing the kitchen floor, to try and get the baby to flip down into the right position. She was on her side on Wednesday morning, which wasn't a serious concern, but was something to try and remedy. So Wednesday afternoon I got on my hands and knees and weeded my entire front yard. I think it did the trick.

After my water broke I called the midwife on duty at Henry Ford (and was glad it was Amy, who works in the Troy office with my midwife Trish, and who was my midwife when I was in for the cerclage procedure). She advised me that, given my stats at my appointment the previous morning, that I quickly arrange for childcare for Owen and start making our way in. By the time I hung up the phone with my cousin Lauren to have her come stay with Owen, my contractions were already about 6-7 minutes apart and intensifying pretty quickly.

Eric flew to the hospital. I don't even know how long it took because I spent the car ride eyes-closed working on my deep breathing and relaxation exercises. Oh, and on trying not to throw up.

My parents were already at the hospital when we got there. I couldn't even talk to my mom on the wheelchair ride up because of the intensity of the contractions. And they weren't even that bad yet! When we checked in they put us in a triage room, only to move us 10 minutes later when it was decided that yes, I was definitely in active labor (duh).

They were kind enough to fill up the big jacuzzi tub in my room before we even got there - something I had been looking forward to with this birth. Too bad once we got to the room all I wanted to do was lay on my side on the bed and not move so I could focus on breathing through the contractions. The staff were great about giving us our space and privacy. I was able to lay in the quiet with just my mom and Eric throughout most of my labor. And I was free of all monitors and IVs. Someone would come to check on us every half-hour or so, and when they did they were SO respectful of my hypnobirthing methods and wouldn't talk to me or touch me until I signaled that the contraction was over and I opened my eyes. The majority of my labor was quiet and peaceful (note: peaceful does NOT equal free-of-pain), which was just what I had wanted.

And then, sometime around 5 a.m., I lost it. I looked at Eric and said: "I think I might want some drugs. I don't think I can do this again. Is that horrible?" I think he was surprised, but obviously told me he supported whatever I wanted to do. Except I think deep down we both knew I didn't really want any drugs, because I didn't really push it, and didn't ask again. And when Amy came in to check me and told me I was almost 8 centimeters, and that it was really too late for most kinds of drugs and that this baby would be on her way very soon, I felt relieved and excited because I knew it was getting close.

Towards the end of my labor when the contractions were at their most intense I felt Lyla start to move around (which adds a whole new level of pain to the contraction). I remember saying: "Make her stop moving! She's killing me when she squirms around!" And Amy saying that it was GREAT that she was moving, because she was moving down and out and would be here soon.

And then my midwife Trish came on duty just before 7:00! She was mad (jokingly) at me that I hadn't e-mailed or called her to tell her I was in labor (she had said all along to let her know, and that if she wasn't busy, she would come in). I explained, in the midst of giving birth, that I hadn't wanted to wake her up in the middle of the night - to which she replied: "but that's my JOB!" She's the best. And Amy, who was my coach, therapist and voice of reason for the entire labor, was gracious enough to let Trish "catch" the baby, since she also delivered Owen. The two of them made an awesome team in the final half-hour of the birth, and I feel so lucky to have both met them and chosen them to be there for the Lyla's birth.

I mentioned that I wasn't on any kind of monitor, but when the time comes for the baby to start working her way out, they start hand-holding a monitor to your belly every few minutes, just to keep track of the baby. I knew something was up when they were debating whether the heartbeat they were picking up was mine or the baby's. And I also sensed the heightened anxiety when they determined that it was, in fact, the baby's, and therefore it was way too low.

Trish informed me that I had "2 more contractions to push this baby out" otherwise she was going to have to cut me and pull her out because she was in too much distress to stay in there any longer. Uh, YIKES.

So I pushed and pushed and pushed. And after the second contraction she still wasn't out. So I had to keep pushing. Sans contraction. And there's really no way to explain this to someone who hasn't felt the sensation of a contraction causing your body to bear down and "push" out a baby. But your body needs the contractions. Its what does most of the work in getting the baby out. Without it, it's just your puny little muscles trying to force the baby out. Which is... HARD. And painful.

It was a straight-up TV/movie style birth. In that everyone was yelling (albeit very nicely) at me to "PUSH PUSH PUSH, PUSH one more time! Come on, push ONE more TIME! Keep PUSHING!" Which is definitely NOT in line with a Hypnobirthing birth, but was necessary to get Lyla out safe and sound (and fast).

And about 2 very intense minutes later, she was out.

And sweet, sweet relief followed. Not only do the pains of labor stop instantly, but there was now a wriggly, healthy, perfect little girl squirming around on my chest. I wasn't afforded that experience with Owen, as he was whisked off to the NICU minutes after his birth, and man am I glad I got to experience it with Lyla. We just laid there and cried tears of joy (well, hers were probably tears of: "Where the hell am I and why is it so COLD!?") But mine were tears of joy.

She stayed on my chest for probably 20 minutes (I think?, time became a little fuzzy at that point) before they took her to get her measurements and stats. Mind you she never actually left my room, they just curtained off half of it so that Eric and my parents and brother could be with her while I was getting stitched up and what not.

And holy lord were there some stitches (sorry to any of my guy friends or coworkers who might be reading this). But since I was basically forced to push her out probably a good 20 minutes before my body was really ready, I had some heavy-duty damage. So bad, in fact, that it required a surgeon to come down and stitch me up - something that is usually Trish's job (she handled it when Owen was born, but "the damage" was much less severe).

But, again, at least I got a baby for it.

And they let us come home the next day! Again, so different than with Owen, who was in the NICU for 8 days after arriving 6 weeks early. And with his birth I ended up getting an infection (I'm sure from the residents continually "checking" me once my water broke), so I was on IV antibiotics for a few days at the hospital before they let me go home. It felt weird to come home so quickly, but also pretty wonderful. And now, 12 days later, it feels weird to think that she everwasn't here in our home.

So. The purpose of this blog was to document our ridiculous summer of bed rest and a new (old) house. The bed rest is clearly over, and I think we're done making major improvements to our house for the season - although we have some big plans for next spring/summer when we can finally tackle the OUTSIDE of the house. I do have a few more things I want to share about both my experience with hypnobirthing as well as the experience of bringing home a new sibling for Owen (which has been... challenging). A few people have asked me to keep the blog going... I think I'll probably keep it up through the holidays - until I go back to work in January. So look for a few (probably quite sporadic) posts between now and then.

And thanks again to everyone who has been there (and continues to be here) for us during our tumultuous summer. We truly could not have survived it without the generous help and time and love of our friends and families. We love you all.

I finished your blanket. You can be born now.

So I started this baby blanket waaaay back when I first went on bedrest, and wrote about it in this post. And I promptly forgot about it. Actually, that's not entirely true. I did catch a glimpse of it every now and again and felt a bit of anxiety about not working on it. But, truth be told, it is actually really hard to knit when you're laying down. So since the cerclage was removed, and I've been much more upright, I've been knitting away, and finished the blanket last week.

It was a pretty simple pattern, knit on the diagonal, and I think it turned out pretty nice. There are a few little blemishes that I had to repair after the fact, but I'm betting she won't notice. It's super soft and I can't wait to wrap her up in it when she gets here!

And because I have fallen in love with these from Etsy, I decided to make some myself. I couldn't find a good pattern, so I just winged it with a garter stitch and some cheap Lion Brand yarn in a really pretty purple/pink blend.

They look a little weird and remind me of elephant trunks (like on a really pretty elephant). But I think once on a teeny tiny pair of baby legs, they will look adorable. At least worthy of taking a few cute photos in. And for a $5 skein of yarn, that's really all I'm looking for.

And since I realized the only photos of the baby's room I had shared so far were a few on Facebook from my iphone, I snapped a few more today. This is a shot of the room from the doorway.

THIS, is my grandpa's old glider, that my grandma gave me when I was pregnant with Owen. Before we put it in baby girl's room, my fantastic Aunt Sue sewed a new cover for it with some fabric I picked up at JoAnns, and we couldn't be happier about it. It's like a whole new chair. Except it's really an OLD chair, and I love all of it's creaks and clicks it makes when it rocks - reminds me of when Owen was a baby.

The baby's shelf is half of the shelving that used to be in Owen's room. Now he has half and the baby gets half, which worked out great. Thanks to my dad who built these awesome shelves for Owen's room at the old house! (And yes, that's a Precious Moment's ballerina doll that was mine when I was little. Awwwwww).

We have a few frames hanging, but I may add more to it over time. Right now they are some photos of Owen and Hudson, a drawing my cousin Lindsey bought for me from an artist in Taiwan, a flower print, a framed piece of damask-patterned scrapbook paper, and a really pretty card my friend Donna sent me from Norway with the verses of a Norwegian children's song (love).

The yellow flower mirror was mine as a kid. It lived up north at the cottage for a long time after that, until I stealthily stole it back a couple of years ago. And this is the antique dresser (that also used to be mine) that I primed and painted white. Turned out pretty good!

There's a little wood cradle on the floor under the window in the first photo, which was/is also mine from when I was little. My dad made it for me when I was 9 for my dolls, and my parents gave it to me for Christmas in 1988. I LOVE that I get to pass this down to baby girl.

And that's Monday. At my appointment with my midwife tomorrow I plan on asking a bazillion questions about what she does and does not recommend in terms of trying to naturally induce labor. My due date is Thursday, which is in 3 days. We are still totally baffled and dumbfounded that she hasn't arrived yet - and my being a really impatient person by nature isn't helping. I also have thought I was in labor a few times over the past few days, but it always subsides. I think now she's just messin' with me.

From bed rest to...

This:

Yep. That's red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil. Both of which are supposed to help bring on labor. Neither will "induce" labor, but both are said to help soften the cervix and make it easier for labor to start. So we'll give them a try. My midwife also suggested taking a hot bath every night both to help with the insane ligament pain I've started to have this week, and to possibly help bring on labor. People have also mentioned the use of castor oil to me, but I'm a little too leery of the side effects (mainly being diarrhea and vomiting) to consider that just yet. I'm not really that desperate.

And since I have nothing new and exciting to post about the pregnancy, and because I was bored today, I decided to take a bunch of photos of what's been going on around this old house of ours, and update folks on our more recent progress with some particular projects.

Mainly, and most excitingly to me, being that we finally hung up our photos on the dining room wall. I had lined up 14 frames along the floor below this wall months ago, and there they sat. For two reasons: First, we were afraid of putting all those nails into the plaster walls. Second, I had no idea how I was going to arrange them. We knew we wanted them to be kind-of like a "collage" and to not be all neat and organized. But there's an art form to doing that without it looking totally crappy, I think.

We laid them all out on the floor first, then took some photos on my phone so we'd remember what we liked where. It was like putting together a big puzzle. Then, well, we just started hanging them. Don't tell my dad. We leveled the one frame that had 2 hooks in the back, but the rest we just sort-of... winged it. And surprisingly it turned out pretty good! Except the longer we stared at it, the more we realized some of the frames were slightly off-center, and there was a weird gap in the lower right corner. So I spent 20 minutes shifting and re-hanging about 5 of the frames, and bought one more cheap Target frame to add to the mix, and THEN we decided it was done.

I know some of the frames are a little crooked, and every time I think it's perfect, one frame will shift and make the whole thing look off-balance. We're going to pick up some of those 3M sticky things to put on the backs of the frames to keep them from shifting on us. Hopefully that will do the trick.

I can see it from the living room couch, and I love that it's already become a kind-of conversation piece in our house. Lucky for us, the plaster walls were really easy to put regular finishing nails into. I'm guessing its either mesh or drywall underneath, so it wasn't as scary a project as we had predicted. A few of the holes did chip away at the plaster a bit, but nothing that we can't patch up pretty easily if/when we ever take them down or try to sell the house.

Owen loves it, too, as most of the pictures are of him (for now, buddy - enjoy it while it lasts).

We also are finally using the "bonus room" at the base of our master bedroom/bathroom. The room in which we were sleeping on the mattress on the floor for several months. It is already proving to be a great office space, and makes the whole first floor feel that much bigger now that we have extra work/play room. (I am punching myself for not having any "before" photos, but those of you who have been here at least know what it all looked like before)!

Eventually we plan on putting a (wrought iron, white, antique-y) daybed along one wall, so it can also function as a second place to watch TV (for those times when I would like to watch the news (who am I kidding, I would like to watch The Bachelor) and Owen would like to watch Super Why). Then we'll also have a space for guests (such as cousins or mothers helping with the baby) to crash for the night that is a bit nicer than the living room couch.

We still have to hang pictures and paint the ceiling/trim and put a light fixture in here, but I'm really happy that it's a nice, functioning space now!

My favorite part of the room is probably this awesome chair I picked up at Home Goods for a steal. It matches the room perfectly, and it's super comfortable. Home Goods is trouble. Every time.

And yes, that's my hospital bag all packed and ready on the floor. The little pink bird guy on top is to hang from the BLUE car seat when we bring her home, so everyone knows she's a girl!

And while I was snapping photos, I took a few of this hat, from my cousin Lauren.

This hat. Let me tell you. I was dying over it on here on Etsy for a few weeks, but decided not to spend the money. And Lauren went out and ORDERED it for me (um, for the baby)! I'm packing it away in my hospital bag so that if we decide to do newborn portraits at the hospital, she can wear it. Because it is probably the cutest hat I've ever seen in my life. Thanks Lauren!

We'll keep everyone posted on whether this primrose oil and raspberry tea start working their magic!

Owen eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

So this post has nothing to do with bed rest or pregnancy, but a lot of my parent-friends have been asking about Owen's nut allergy and how the whole "challenge test" went this week. So here's a summary of what we've been through and what we've discovered...

After nearly 3 years of worry, it turns out, Owen is NOT allergic to peanuts. Here's a quick timeline of why we thought he was:

6 months old: We have Owen allergy tested because of his bad eczema and breathing issues. He shows an "inconclusive" result on the "nut" portion of the test, and the doctor tells us to avoid nuts for the next 6-12 months and bring him in for a full allergy screening at that time.

18 months old: We take Owen to Kroger to grocery shop, and it's free sample day. Without even thinking, we give him a bite of the no-bake cookie I'm snacking on. His face swells up with hives and his voice/throat get raspy. I run back to the cookies and look at the box to see that yes, they do have peanut butter in them. Crap. We head to the ER.

At the ER they treat him with some Benadryl and tell us: yep, it's an allergic reaction, probably to the peanuts in the cookie. They observe him for a few hours and let us go home.

We follow-up with Owen's pulmonary/allergist doctor who says yep, sounds like an allergic reaction to nuts, and we are prescribed Epipens for every bag/purse/room in the house. We are told to come back for a full "nut screening" at some point to see which nuts he is allergic to besides peanuts. Although at this point we are pretty much resigned to him being allergic to nuts in general.

We give lessons to friends and family members who care for Owen using a "training Epipen." I freak out leaving him anywhere for fear someone will hand him some candy or a cookie laden with nuts.

22 months old: Owen is given a bite of a banana walnut muffin at school. The teachers get it out of his mouth before he swallows it, but he immediately breaks out in hives all over his face and hands from where he touched it. Luckily I rush over and treat him with Benadryl, and there is no need for the Epipen. A call to the doctor confirms: he's probably allergic to all nuts. Avoid ALL nuts.

34 months old: We FINALLY go in to have Owen tested for about 12 different nuts individually. He shows strong, positive results for walnuts, almonds and Brazil nuts (meaning a moderate to severe allergy for those nuts). However, the little dot on his back for "peanuts," shows no reaction. No peanut allergy. Probably.

35 months old: We go in for a "Peanut Challenge Test." Basically, in 15 minute intervals, the nurses do the following:

• Put a dab of peanut butter (like right out of the Skippy jar) on his arm
• Scratch his arm and put a dab of peanut butter on it
• Put a dab of peanut butter on his lip
• Put a dab of peanut butter on his tongue
• Have him eat about 1/8 teaspoon peanut butter (we had to hide all of the peanut butter in snacks, as the picky eater refused to try something new - who refuses peanut butter??)
• Have him eat about 1/4 teaspoon peanut butter
• Have him eat about 1/2 teaspoon peanut butter
• Have him eat about 1 teaspoon peanut butter

We didn't have anything left to hide the teaspoon of peanut butter in. So they told us we could run to the store to buy him peanut butter candy (peanut butter cups, etc.). Eric ran and got Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Peanut Butter M&Ms.

He asked several times about the peanut butter cup: Can I HAVE this? Can I EAT it?

Watching Owen take a big bite out of a Peanut Butter Cup freaked me OUT. But he inhaled it like it was the best thing he'd ever eaten in his life (which, it may have actually been), complete with multiple "mmmmmms" and "yummmmmmms" (the doctor was cracking up). Then he caught a glimpse of the peanut butter M&Ms and asked for some. I gave him 3. And he got hives around his lips within seconds. Turns out the package does say: "May contain almonds." Oops. Who doesn't read the package during an allergy test? We don't, apparently.

They kept us for a half-hour to observe him and decided it was probably the almonds, and let us go home. Yesterday we gave Owen another peanut butter cup (nothing else, this time), and he had no reaction whatsoever. He is not allergic to peanuts!

However, based on the reaction to 3 small peanut butter M&Ms that "may" contain almonds, we now know that the almond, walnut and Brazil nut allergies are very real.

Now instead of scanning labels for "peanuts" - we just have to scan for "tree nuts, walnuts, almonds and Brazil nuts." Which, don't get me wrong, is still a lot to stress out about, as "tree nuts" are in a ton of stuff, even things you wouldn't even think of. But to open up the door for peanut butter and all its glory (PB&J, peanut butter cups, peanut butter cookies, Nana's peanut butter frosting, etc.) is pretty great.

Now if I could just get daycare to go totally "tree nut-free," that would be excellent. He did, however, tell his daycare friends ALL WEEK about the awesome "candy" he had at the doctors office. So. Like mother like son on the whole Reese's Peanut Butter Cup thing. The other big downer for me and Eric: no excuse to steal all the peanut butter cups out of his Halloween bucket this year.

We were also told that baby #2 has a 10% chance of having the same nut allergies as Owen. I hope not. But at least we now know how to deal with it!

Okay, it's been TWO WEEKS.

It's been two weeks today since I had the cerclage removed. After months and months of fearing she was going to just fall right out. As of two weeks ago she has the green light to arrive any time. And still... nothing.

Not that we're upset about that. I'm not even at 38 weeks yet (although this week's visit to the midwife on Tuesday did have me "measuring" at 38 weeks). I personally feel like I look... 46 weeks pregnant. Seriously. I'm down to one pair of jeans and a pair of very summery capri pants that still "fit." And 3 t-shirts. So, needless to say, I've been looking really good lately.

It has been really nice to finally MOVE, though. And a big relief for Eric, who can now leave me and Owen on our own for extended periods of time. Although as I mentioned to my cousins yesterday, a new bout of extreme exhaustion has just kicked in this week. Like, 10-weeks-pregnant exhaustion. I've napped almost every day this week. This little lady is zapping all of my free energy (helping me get ready for some sleepless nights, I'm sure).

Owen and I did take a nice little trip to the playground at Red Oaks yesterday before dinner, though. He LOVES playgrounds, and I've barely gotten out to any of his favorite parks with him this summer, so it was fun to watch him run (literally) around to every piece of play equipment. He even pushed me on the swings for a bit. He's a sweet little man.

And this is his new "cheese" face. When I tell him to smile and say "cheese" for the camera, this is what I get. Lucky for me I find his face to be adorable no matter what. Even during this morning's total and complete meltdown because his sunglasses were in the car. Here was our exchange:

Owen: I need my sunglasses!

Mom: They're in the car, just like mine. We'll put them on when we get in the car.

Owen: But I wanted to put them on NOW!

Mom: Well, they're in the car.

Owen: But I want to wear them right NOW!

Mom: Well, I'm not going to go outside and get them, since we'll be in the car in 2 minutes.

Owen: That makes me SO SAD. (Cue the tears and sad face and 5-minute crying jag).

And then when we got in the car, he didn't even want them. Because "it's not that sunny out." Shocking.

Okay, time to go meditate and think baby thoughts!

Guess what? I'm not in labor.

No matter what I do, everyone thinks I'm in labor. If I call my parents, they think I'm in labor. If I take too long to respond to an e-mail, the sender thinks I must be in labor. If I don't post on Facebook for a few days, all my Facebook friends think I'm in labor.

I'm not in labor.

I WISH I was in labor.

This whole "waiting around" thing is starting to drive me batty. Although it has been GREAT having some time not technically on "bed rest" to get out and enjoy the nice fall air and do some shopping and actually have a meal or two out with my husband, I'm now officially ready to have this baby. And this is from someone who genuinely loves being pregnant (I do, I love it).

I've actually been having some really mixed emotions over the birth of this baby. Because. Well. I'm not going to ever be pregnant again. I think that's been decided. This pregnancy has been too scary (and expensive, and has basically turned our lives upside down for the last 5 months). And we always wanted a boy and a girl, which we'll now have. So. Probably no more babies for us. Which makes me a little sad, because I do so totally love the whole experience of it. There are no words to describe having a tiny little person hanging out in your belly. Even if some days (like today) it feels like that little person's feet are lodged in your ribs.

But in terms of labor, nada yet! Although I am definitely dealing with a LOT of "practice contractions" - but that's been going on for weeks now. Next Sunday I'll be 38 weeks and considered "full term," although she's definitely fully cooked and can come on out any time now. Yesterday I even went for a pedicure with cousin Lauren at the SAME PLACE where I went into labor with Owen (while getting a pedicure), thinking/hoping it would have the same results. No luck.

But she's free to hang out in there until 40 weeks if she wants. Hell, she can even go to 41 before I really start freaking out about birthing 10 pound babies. I am excited to give birth to a baby that doesn't sleep for the first 6 weeks of her life! Owen was so early I swear he only opened his eyes like 5 times in the first 6 weeks.

Speaking of my monkey (who, by the way, retorts: "I'm not a MONKEY, I'm a PRESCHOOLER" whenever I use that particular term of endearment these days), here's a shot that daycare sent me of him having ice cream with Papa at the Grandparents Day Ice Cream Social last week. Mostly I just love this photo because I wonder how long my dad sat in a chair meant for a 3-year-old's butt.

Papa was (and is always) a big hit with all the kids - even sticking around for an hour to hang out on the playground after the ice cream was all eaten up. Its no wonder he is Owen's favorite person (I seriously sometimes think he out-ranks me and Eric). Thanks for being so awesome, Papa!

Something to celebrate.

Nope, not a baby being born. But almost as good.

I've been getting these progesterone injections (which are shown to help prevent preterm labor) once a week since I was 18 weeks pregnant. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant. I went in today for my LAST injection. That's 18 injections total, folks. For someone who hates needles.

And I've mentioned before that these aren't your every-day injections like a flu-shot or vitamin injection. It's an unusually large needle. And a "very viscous solution" - meaning it's very thick and hard to inject, not that it has a particularly nasty demeanor. Although I think if it had a demeanor, it wouldn't be a pleasant one. It is a hormone, after all.

Anyway, the nurses were so excited for me. Brenda, the nurse who always gives me the injection, was particularly happy. I think she loathes giving these shots, as she always apologizes the whole time. Lucky for her she's super sweet, and super good at giving the shots as quickly and painlessly (ha) as possible.

Brenda also made a comment today that rattled me a bit, but then really put things into perspective for me. She said: "You know, we don't ever tell anyone this, but the chances of you carrying this baby as long as you have after what you went through so early on are... not so great. So this baby was clearly meant to be and you've done a great job at doing everything you could to keep her in there, and I can't wait to meet her."

I almost cried. Because. Of course they aren't going to tell you what the outlook is if it's not great. It's all about the positive energy and "good vibes" as my cousins would say. And it worked. As I am now SO ready for this girl to come on out and meet us. There are no words to describe the weight that is now off my shoulders.

And sorry, PJ, but it's not looking like she'll be born today, on Trenton's birthday. I even ate some spicy food last night to see if I could get things rolling. Guess we'll have to wait and see if she arrives on MY birthday (the 7th) or Owen's birthday (the 8th)! Although we are not-so-secretly hoping she arrives any time now!

A sweet master suite. Finally.

So a big part of our "getting ready" for the baby was to finally finish our bedroom and bathroom upstairs before she arrived. As per usual, I neglected to take any "before" shots of the "bonus room/office" at the downstairs base of our bedroom that we were living in (which wasn't much bigger than the size of our queen mattress). That room will be the last one we tackle, as it's relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I have big plans to put a daybed in there for random houseguests, along with maybe a little flat screen TV mounted above the desk (which I want to replace eventually, too). But we'll get to it when we get to it.

I also didn't take any before photos of the upstairs master suite. But I can give you a visual. It was the same tan/gold color as the rest of the house. And when we moved in we threw about 20+ boxes up there and just... forgot about that whole floor while we got the rest of the house up to date and painted. It was also somewhat by choice so that during my 4 months of bed-rest I wasn't climbing stairs all day to and from my bedroom/bathroom.

However. We now finally LIVE up there! Here is the view from the top of the stairs (which are open to the bonus room).

Thanks to friend Brittany for lending us that great little co-sleeper you see next to the dresser - it's going to be a huge help having a bassinet on each floor!

I couldn't be happier with the paint color (Behr's Pale Lichen) or the help from my parents in actually getting it painted up there. I'm also psyched with my super bargain bed ordered from Overstock, and this awesome refinished dresser we picked up from a local woman in Oxford who refinishes old furniture. How cool is that?

Its nice to have a room to really live in and call our own. And to finally put out some pictures and my perfumes, etc.!

And we're thisclose to being done with the bathroom... Here's a peek at it from the bedroom.

Eric has to mount a couple remaining pieces of hardware (towel hooks and toilet paper holder), but then we'll be pretty set in there... pics soon. It's a crazy long/weird-shaped space, and its going to take us a while to figure out how to best utilize it. There's a great little nook where I sort-of want to put a comfy reading chair (?), but, who wants to sit in a comfy chair and read in their bathroom? (Insert joke about reading in the bathroom here).

And... because I'm pregnant and either eating or thinking about eating all the live long day - here's a random side-note about my new favorite food - Farm Country Cheese House's Olive Cheese.

I've mentioned before that this baby is definitely not vegan, and therefore I haven't been either since I got pregnant. I don't feel guilty about it. Really the only addition to my diet has been cheese and the occasional egg. And the baby LIKES it, okay? Anyway, I especially don't feel bad knowing that this cheese is made in Amish country here in Michigan, and that the cows are grass-fed, antibiotic-free, and hand-milked. Oh, and that we've met the farmers at the Royal Oak Farmers Market. And that it's packed full of green olives. SO good.

I can devour a whole brick of it in one sitting if I'm not careful. Also, we found it for sale at our local grocery store, too - the Value Center Market in Clawson (which, if anyone lives around Clawson, I highly recommend). Despite it's low-budget name, they have a great produce selection, much of which comes from Eastern Market farmers, along with a great cheese and beer selection.

Now... what to have for dessert?

"Like a stalk of Swiss chard."

According to BabyCenter this baby girl is about 19 inches long now, "like a stalk of swiss chard." Good thing we eat a lot of greens in this house so that is actually a helpful reference for me. BabyCenter is about a week ahead of where my doctor thinks I am, though (I'm actually around 36 weeks, vs. BabyCenter's 37 weeks). So maybe she's like a small stalk of chard.

(This is actually "rainbow chard," but its so much prettier!)

So. I'm not really on "bed rest" anymore. I mean, I am, sort-of. My doctors don't want me going back to work - and there's no point anyway, since she could come any time now. But I've basically been given free range to return to a (somewhat) normal level of activity. I did use this newfound freedom to take an hour-long stroll around Target yesterday. And while it was very liberating, it was totally exhausting. I may be allowed to get up and move around more, but my body is definitely not used to it, what with 4 months of inactivity and the nearly 30 pounds I've gained in that time.

I also keep finding myself laying down. Or feeling like I should be laying down. I was feeling incredibly guilty at Target yesterday thinking: I should leave and go home and lay down. Until I reminded myself that I don't have to lay down all day anymore! It's a weird realization. That being said, I still did lay down quite a bit yesterday. I figure I might as well enjoy these last few days/weeks? of relaxation while I'm able!

So far no indications of baby making her appearance any time soon. Eric and I feel really discombobulated over the whole thing. All last week was spent packing bags, getting the house all ready, getting ourselves mentally ready, etc. And now... nothin.' But at least we're much more prepared now!

My favorite new development is that my mother now picks up the phone before I even hear it ringing. I wouldn't be surprised if she went out and got one of those hip clips for her phone so she can wear it all the time just in case I call. That being said, it's nice to know that they're as ready as we are!

I hope everyone enjoys what is shaping up to be a lovely fall-ish weekend!

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.

Except that I'm at home. And not with a baby.

Which is good! I may or may not be in the very early stages of labor, but I am comfortably resting at home on my couch with season 2 of Friday Night Lights, and not in a hospital room, which is nice.

So the effing stitch. It's out. But it wasn't fun. And let me preface this by saying that a normal pap smear (sorry boys) brings tears to my eyes. I'm just apparently super sensitive in that area. So I knew this wouldn't be fun. Lets just say it was a great opportunity to practice some of my deep breathing techniques to try and manage the pain. Cause it was painful. There's nothing "natural" about having a stitch cut out of that region of your body, so I was expecting there to be some pain. But man. Good thing Eric is tough because while I tried to keep most of my body relaxed and calm, I did manage to squeeze the crap out of his hand for the duration of the 5-minute procedure. Which felt a LOT like labor.

After it was done and I got all pulled together they put me/the baby on a monitor for 20 minutes. The baby hiccuped the entire time, which was super cool/funny to hear on the monitor. I also started having contractions every 6-7 minutes and a lot of lower back pain. After they determined that the baby wasn't in any kind of distress, they sent us to the cafeteria to get some food. Sweet potato fries and orzo/feta salad - what? That cafeteria has some GOOD food. Anyway, after that Eric and I parked ourselves in a comfy couch in one of the lobbies and pulled out Eric's laptop to watch the season finale of MadMen Season 4 (Spoiler: Don, really? Your secretary?) while jotting down times on a scrap piece of paper for each contraction I was having.

After MadMen and a trip to the hospital Caribou Coffee to get some tea, we determined that A). My back ache was pretty much gone, B). My contractions had spaced out to being anywhere from 8 to 20 minutes apart, C.) My water hadn't broke yet, and D.) Overall I was feeling pretty good.

So we came home.

And I'm continuing to feel better and better. I think the procedure really shook things up and for a good half-hour there we thought for sure I was in labor. But sitting and resting for a bit helped calm things down, and I feel pretty much the same as I have most days this week, albeit maybe a little crampier in general.

I am, however, ONE centimeter dilated, and about 80% thinned/effaced. So. Stuff is for sure happening. I feel encouraged that with Owen I remember being so uncomfortable and in quite a bit of pain by the time I was at 2-3 centimeters, and so far today, I feel great. So. Fingers crossed that I am able to relax and breathe my way right into the delivery room much more easily and calmly with this one. That being said, one can be 2-5 centimeters dilated for weeks without going into labor. So who knows.

Another fun fact is that I was told that she has really dropped, signaling that she is pretty much ready to go, but also making it impossible for me to walk like a normal person. I definitely have the "pregnancy waddle" going on. Super sexy, I know.

Also, we might have picked a name? Being in the hospital and thinking you may be in labor really lights a fire under you to have a serious discussion about naming your child. But we're keeping it a secret for now...

So that's our story! Thanks to everyone for all the well-wishes today. We'll let you know if/when things start happening!

Am I having a baby this week? Oh, also, we threw a party.

So there are several reasons I haven't posted anything in a while. First, after my appointment last Thursday I got totally freaked out that I'm going to go into labor THIS WEEK and have a baby by the weekend. For which I feel unprepared. As I've mentioned, I get my cerclage (stitch) removed this Thursday at 10:00 a.m. (Henry Ford Hospital time: probably more like noon). The plan is to remove the stitch, and then put me on a monitor to keep an eye on the baby for about 20 minutes. After that they want us to stick around the hospital for 2-3 hours (we were told we should walk around, have lunch, browse the shops, etc.), to see if I'm going to go into labor. I didn't ask statistics, but the way Dr. Murphy talked about it, she made it seem like... it was a pretty good possibility? And if I don't go into labor, that it could easily happen within a day or two. But then at the same time she indicated that some women go another "week or two" before going into labor. So I guess she is not thinking I'm going to make it to my October 6th due date!

Which is fine with me, actually. This baby weighs almost 6 pounds now. And I'm getting to that super uncomfortable, achey feet, kicks to the ribs, hurts to move/walk/lay/sit stage that I never had the privilege of experiencing with Owen. Which is less than fun. However, I'll be 35 1/2 weeks on Thursday when the stitch comes out. I'd like to make it to 36 or 37 if possible - let this little lady cook just a bit longer. But since her arrival is completely out of my control, I need to just RELAX and go with it.

Another reason I've been so busy over the last week is that we've been frantically trying to wrap up the loose-end projects around here. And I'm happy to say that over the weekend we (Eric) pretty much finished the master bedroom/bathroom upstairs! As of Wednesday night when my split box spring gets delivered (thank you old house with narrow stairs that our queen box won't fit up) we will officially move into our bedroom upstairs! We will no longer be squatting (literally, the mattress is just sitting on the floor) in the den/bonus room downstairs. I can't WAIT.

Also the baby's room is 98% complete. Curtains and a few remaining pictures will get hung today, and that will be that. I can't wait to post some pictures. It's freaking adorable.

And, the main reason I was so busy this last week? We had my nephew Trenton's first birthday party on Saturday! Which we sort-of combined with Owen's 3rd birthday (for the Millers at least), so it was really TWO birthday parties. And, being the one not working and on bed-rest, I threw myself into decoration- and scrapbook-making for the week prior to the party. Here's a glimpse at some of my handiwork (apologies for the unedited and somewhat crappy photos - lighting was bad, and I'm too lazy these days to deal with Photoshop):

Yeah, I made streamers out of fake money for T-Money.

And cupcake toppers with "T$", 1s, 3s, and assorted Cars characters (for Owen).

And a rockin' Cars banner for O-man.

And, the best part, a banner out of fake money for T-Money.

To top it off I made the best vegan cupcakes I've ever tasted (they may have been the best cupcakes in general, actually). Recipe here. Overall, I think both boys very much enjoyed their party. I mean. It was a day of cars, trucks, bikes, Nemo, cupcakes, pop and no naps. Pretty much every toddler's/baby's dream day.

Happy Birthday boys!

Hopefully I'll have one more quick post before leaving for the hospital Thursday that will say something like: "Bag is packed, all plans are in place for kid/dog care, baby's room and master bedroom are finished, and I'm ready to have a baby." Hopefully.

35 weeks and Hypno-what?

At this point in my pregnancy with Owen, I had a 2-day-old baby in the Providence NICU. He was born at 34 weeks and 5 days. As soon as my water broke with Owen (while getting a pedicure), I knew he was on his way, and I felt ready, prepared, and unafraid (until I got to the hospital, at least). However, the thought of this baby arriving NOW has thrown me into a total panic. I'm not ready! She's not ready! Luckily there are no signs of her making an appearance any time soon. An appointment Thursday morning will hopefully confirm that for us. (And truth be told, she probably actually IS ready, and would do fine if born tomorrow).

One of the reasons I don't feel fully ready yet is that I've not been so diligent with practicing my relaxation and breathing techniques that I hope to use for the birth. With Owen we had just finished our whole HypnoBirthing class, so I felt very confident in the methods and what was to come. The second time around we haven't taken any classes (nor do we think we need to). But I have not been so great about putting in the time to practice, which is critical to the success of the HypnoBirthing program.

I think HypnoBirthing gets a bad rap or often gets laughed off as a joke because people associate it with "stage hypnosis" - live shows where a "hypnotist" puts audience members into a hypnotic state and makes them do embarrassing things like quack like a duck or kiss the stranger sitting next to them. This kind of "hypnosis" has nothing to do with HypnoBirthing.

The practice of HypnoBirthing, when done successfully, does relax the mother into a self-hypnosis-type-state. But she is still alert, awake, and totally in control of her actions, emotions and thoughts. Its more about being able to put yourself into a state of total relaxation than it is about being "hypnotized."

The philosophy behind HypnoBirthing is that natural childbirth doesn't have to be the agonizing, scary and dangerous event that it is often made out to be. The premise is both physiological and psychological, and is based on the theory that in the absence of fear (and/or some modern medical interventions/ideas), women's bodies are totally capable of birthing babies calmly and with little-to-no pain. A quote from a Dr. Jonathan Dye (from 1891) that is used in the book states:

"According to physiological law, all natural, normal functions of the body are achieved without peril or pain. Birth is a natural, normal physiological function for normal, healthy women and their healthy babies. It can, therefore, be inferred that healthy women, carrying healthy babies, can safely birth without peril or pain."

The book states that "our bodies instinctively know how to birth, just as they know how to conceive and nurture the development of the babies they are carrying." Which, to me at least, makes so much sense! One of the goals of the HypnoBirthing program is to help mothers embrace their body's innate knowledge of birthing, and to help her relax into the birthing process and work with her body and her baby, instead of against it.

I did have a natural birth with Owen, but I will not even begin to claim that it was pain-free. I honestly and sincerely feel that the seriousness of the situation (his arrival 6 weeks early) set in as soon as I walked into the hospital at Providence, and most of what I had learned in my HypnoBirthing class went out the window. I was terrified. But I still managed to "get through it" as naturally as possible.

But it hurt. Real bad. However, I do think that the HypnoBirthing class and breathing and relaxation techniques were at least a great coping mechanism for me. As was all of the stored knowledge about childbirth being a normal, natural process that I knew my body was capable of handling.

With this soon-to-arrive baby I'm currently cooking we are hoping things will be even better. A few factors that are easing my mind:

1. Henry Ford's system of midwife care. Regardless of when or how I go into labor, a midwife is AT the hospital of all times. And since we met all of the midwives at the hospital tour, I know that the woman caring for me and the baby will be a face I recognize and someone I have spoken with. When I was triaged with Owen, I had to deal with residents and OBs who I'd never meet/seen/spoken to before, which added to my stress level (as did all of the questions they kept asking me, disregarding my birth plan completely).

2. The hospital is totally HypnoBirthing and natural-birth friendly. Not just the midwives, but it appears that the nurses and the rest of the staff are open to the idea and to the mother's requests.

3. We've kept a real close eye on this baby. I think a lot of the fear and anxiety I felt when in labor with Owen was heightened by having very few, scattered appointments with a bunch of different doctors throughout the pregnancy. Being a natural-born-worrier, it has helped me tremendously to keep such a close and watchful eye on this baby girl (ultrasounds every 2 weeks for the majority of the pregnancy), so I know she is healthy (maybe too healthy - I still have a minor fear that she's going to be huge). (Also, I'm aware that all of the extensive prenatal care and tests and ultrasounds are contradictory to a "natural" pregnancy experience, but it helped me, nonetheless).

4. I've already had an epidural (when I had the cerlage placed at 18 weeks). I think I've mentioned several times that I'm generally more terrified of a needle in my spinal cord (or wherever they stick it) than I am about the birthing. And while I do NOT want to do that ever again, I do feel some comfort knowing that I've done it once, so if medically necessary, I know I could do it again.

5. I know what to expect (as much as one can). A lot of the "fear" of childbirth goes away once you've done it once! I understand what the surges (contractions) will feel like and how the breathing techniques will help me work with those surges instead of against them (pushing = not as helpful as one might think).

I think it's unfortunate that modern medicine (and modern television, for that matter) has convinced so many women that they need pain medication or to "schedule" their birth instead of letting things happen naturally as they were intended. When hearing that I had one natural birth and am planning for another, I have had women tell me that I must have a really high pain tolerance, or that my birthing must have been much easier than theirs because there's no way they could have done it without the drugs. And I would never deny any woman those thoughts or opinions, because I have only my own experiences to go on. That being said, I really do believe strongly in the power of the body to do it's thing without much intervention. Women have been birthing their own babies since the beginning of time without drugs or forceps or someone standing over them yelling at them to "push!"

And while I will continue to practice my breathing and relaxation techniques and preparing for the birthing experience that we want to have, I am, of course, keeping an open mind about how things will go on the actual day. You can plan for the exact birth that you want and do all of the necessary planning and preparation, but you just never know what will happen on the day of, so we're trying to keep an open mind.

Now if only I could get the curtains hung in the baby's room. Then I'd REALLY feel prepared. :)

Scary things: storms and kick counts.

So a storm rolled through metro-Detroit on Saturday. And basically a mini-tornado came down our little residential street. Eric and Owen were out of town, but my parents had just gotten to our house and were about to start painting upstairs. The wind shear that took down half the trees in our neighborhood came so fast and furious that my mom was still yelling at us to get in the basement when it had already blown past. Luckily we had no major house damage, but right after the storm, our front yard looked like this:

And here's how it looked in the morning. Pretty much the same, but without the crappy flash.

With Eric being out of town (and not having the time to deal with this even if he WAS in town), I decided we needed some professional help. What I couldn't capture in photos was all of the serious debris that was also hovering 50 feet in the air lodged in the tree that also needed to come down - clearly a job for a tree professional. Luckily within 24 hours I had 4 different tree service companies knocking on my door scavenging for work. The guys I chose (A.W.D. Tree out of Rochester, who we now highly recommend) gave a great quote and did a fantastic job. They were working on it Monday afternoon when Eric and Owen got home. Despite the loud noise from the chipper, Owen thought watching the climber drop the huge branches out of the tree was pretty cool.

And since we've been talking about having someone come and clean up the tree since we moved in (lots of dead wood and suckers weighing down some of the bigger branches), we decided to have these guys take care of that for us, too. It's amazing what a difference that has made - the whole tree looks healthier and lighter (and there's the bonus of not being so paranoid about it dropping big branches in storms anymore). We don't know how old the tree is, but it's definitely one of the biggest silver maples I've ever seen - we want to keep it healthy and happy!

Another scary thing in my life right now? Kick counts. I never really did them with Owen - I had just started them and went into labor a few days later. But I've been doing them with this baby for 2 weeks now. And despite her crazy and almost constant movements, she seems to really like freaking me out by being completely still whenever I sit down and try to focus on those movements and track the "kicks."

This, of course, throws me into a panic every single time. For the first few days I was getting 10 kicks within about 10 minutes. But since then it has taken 20, 30 and once even 45 minutes to get those same 10 kicks. Which is still totally normal (abnormal would be if all of a sudden it took 3 hours to get 10 kicks). But still. I feel like she's messing with me. Already. I'm pretty sure she's gonna be a stinker from the moment she's born - this is mostly due to a dream I had the other night that the minute she was born she started talking and telling me I had bought the wrong kind of formula (which is ironic, as I will be nursing just as I did with Owen).

Anyway... Owen and I are laying low this weekend while Eric runs his first (and I'm hoping last - cause it's just nutty) ultra-marathon on Saturday. That's 50 miles, folks. In ONE race. I don't get it. But we will be wishing him lots of luck and love - Run daddy, run!